Life for an Alzheimer's/dementia caregiver is never an easy one.  This is especially true when the person they care for is a loved one, such as a spouse, family member or close friend.  The physical and emotional tolls of daily care can be devastating.  Unfortunately, the situation can be made worse by others, whose lack of knowledge of the disease and it's effects, can lead to insensitive comments and even abandonment.
     One of the most common, and painful, statements that personal caregivers hear is, "Well at least you still have them. My spouse (loved one, friend, etc...) has passed away."  In most cases, the individual is trying to help by "looking at the bright side" of things and offering comfort. What they don't understand is that the caregiver doesn't "have" them anymore.  The destructive nature of the disease can remove any memory of spouses, friends, family, words, places, etc....  As hard as it is to provide 24 hour care for someone, imagine waking up to your spouse of 40 plus years and they not recognize you. They can't remember your name, the special times you shared, your children....all erased from their memory.  On top of that, they can become abusive, saying hurtful things and displaying unwarranted anger. They look the same on the outside, but they aren't the same person.  There is no cure for Alzheimer's disease and the degeneration can last for years.         
     With that said, there are those people who see the situation as hopeless and end up abandoning friends and family in this situation. "They don't rememeber me, so why bother?  It's just too painful.", is another often heard statement. This sentinment, again, affects both caregiver and those with Alzhimer's.  Regardless of whether the perosn with Alzheimer's remembers the person, human contact is still important.  Kind words, smiles and a gentle touch are still recognized.  One must also consider the caregiver in this situation.  Their life can easily be consumed with responsibilities.  Their own health suffers greatly, due to lack of sleep, improper nutrition and depression.  In many cases, the caregvier and sufferer share the same friends and family members.  When those people start avoiding the patient, they also avoid the caregiver, be it out of guilt, fear or just that feeling of not knowing what to say or do when with them.  Of course, this is common with other illnesses, such as cancer.
    As with any difficult situation, seeking out a support group can be beneficial.  Even if you are not a direct caregiver, understanding the disease and the role of the provider can give you the knowledge and confidence to maintain friendships and still be involved in a loved one's life.  Group meetings are usually regularly scheduled and respect anonymity of attendees. They also will not require participation, so one can just sit in and listen.  Meetings, whether certified or not, are usaully led by a dementia/Alzheimer expert, who can answer questions and provide helpful information.  Attendees who are willing to share can provide insight to concerns or problems you are facing and give you the ability to be the friend you've always been.

If you have any questions regarding life at Amberwood Care Centre, our certified Alzheimer's unit, Alzheimer Support Group or would like a tour of our community, please call 815-964-2200 or email us at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it